You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
