all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
