I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
