i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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