i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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