All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
