i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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