The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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