I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
