it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
