I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
