She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
