Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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