I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex heβs ever had even with the broken couch
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