I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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