i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success