Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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