I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!