Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
