Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs

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(313): Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs http://tfl.nu/nept

Replies (12) Good night (3023) Bad night (1114)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I want to kish your cheek

(248): View more from Michigan

My cheeks are in Michigan

(301): View more from Maryland

Oh my lips are kind of stretchy

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(301): I want to kish your cheek (248): My cheeks are in Michigan (301): Oh my lips are kind of stretchy http://tfl.nu/4fba

Replies (4) Good night (2170) Bad night (831)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML

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(202): i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML http://tfl.nu/7ngy

Replies (4) Good night (1311) Bad night (631)
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(917): View more from New York City

I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.

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(917): I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee. http://tfl.nu/dm1b

Replies (44) Good night (2036) Bad night (7064)
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(216): View more from Ohio

It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote

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(216): It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote http://tfl.nu/ew61

Replies (4) Good night (1590) Bad night (1195)
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(517): View more from Michigan

He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters

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(517): He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters http://tfl.nu/qui3

Replies (7) Good night (2623) Bad night (1136)
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(407): View more from Florida

Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.

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(407): Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills. http://tfl.nu/wclx

Replies (9) Good night (1636) Bad night (2183)
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(606): View more from Kentucky

This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.

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(606): This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles. http://tfl.nu/9xw7

Replies (6) Good night (1600) Bad night (764)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?

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(860): i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet? http://tfl.nu/i7et

Replies (7) Good night (1093) Bad night (626)
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(714): View more from California

Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon

(310): View more from California

Fuck you.

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(714): Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon (310): Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/u7vm

Replies (6) Good night (2244) Bad night (659)
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(760): View more from California

I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.

(951): View more from California

Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped

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(760): I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire. (951): Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped http://tfl.nu/trsg

Replies (3) Good night (469) Bad night (629)
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(805): View more from California

I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.

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(805): I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible. http://tfl.nu/k9z2

Replies (2) Good night (566) Bad night (340)
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(716): View more from New York

I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.

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(716): I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand. http://tfl.nu/bl1h

Replies (5) Good night (280) Bad night (945)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?

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(860): Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great? http://tfl.nu/utfe

Replies (0) Good night (531) Bad night (220)
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(512): View more from Texas

I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle

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(512): I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle http://tfl.nu/cgip

Replies (6) Good night (197) Bad night (454)

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