Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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