I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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