I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
