I accidentally had phone sex last night
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
this will be a night to untag.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
