I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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