it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
