halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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