So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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