My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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