That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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