this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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