You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
