Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
