My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
