ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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