a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
