Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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