Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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