Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
