She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
