IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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