Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
