I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
