i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think people are normalizing furries
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
