But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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