Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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