I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
