omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize