I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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