Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
