I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
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I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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