Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
