i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
