R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
