somebody snuck up and got me drunk
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
