Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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