The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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