So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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