bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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