Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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