he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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