can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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