What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
