You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
