you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Terrible idea I love it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
