Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
