I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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