if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
