i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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