I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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