I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
