I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
